But Learning French is hard!

Dave has sound advice at the end of this post.

But based on the comments, those who disagree are just too lazy to learn French.

Dang Darn Heck Frak Flip Fetch Fargo

And now for a high culture break. Here is a portion of that immortal Mormon Classic, The Mormon Rap:

I'm a fine young man,
I'm living clean,
Don't smoke, don't drink,
If you know what I mean.
Don't touch Soda Pop if
It has caffeine,
You might say I'm
a good little Sunbeam.
I didn't even date,
Until I turned 16,
I don't even know
The meaning of the word obscene.
Flipp'n, fetch'n, scruddle-dee-me,
jimminy cricket, and fiddledy-dee!

Hopefully, that, along with the post title, will be enough to merit condemnation from these commentators at Tired and Seasoned.

Stalin on SNL.

Stalin once tried to have a Soviet version of Saturday Night Live, but every time a joke fell flat, he executed half the cast.

Oh, wait.  That's not funny.

Way to go Dan the Lame Democrat.  Your insanity knows no bounds.  And smiley faces don't make everything all right.  

Mormons must not believe in the Bible.

Kevin Barney says they do, but based on the comments on this thread, they don't.

I mean, the Bible says we are to love one another, be forgiving and charitable, and avoid judging others. Since the Mormons at BCC do none of that, it's quite clear they don't believe in the Bible - or at least, they don't believe the stuff taught by that Jesus guy.

Who is JA?

I've decided that I'm JA.

It's quite clear. Look at the number of times I've posted on something, only to have JA post a snark about the same item within a day or two:

Here:

http://bloggernaclecorrelation.blogspot.com/2008/10/thread-that-wouldnt-die.html

http://trashcalls.blogspot.com/2008/10/methusaleh-of-bloggernacle.html

Here:

http://bloggernaclecorrelation.blogspot.com/2008/09/julie-m-smith-scares-me.html

http://trashcalls.blogspot.com/2008/09/scaredy-cat-thy-name-is-woman.html

And here:

http://bloggernaclecorrelation.blogspot.com/2008/09/and-answer-is.html

http://trashcalls.blogspot.com/2008/09/mormons-unfunny.html

Clearly, I'm stealing from myself. By doing this post, I've only done it in reverse, as JA noticed Connor's paranoia fest before I did.

The Thread That Wouldn't Die

It's a Zombie thread now, because it clearly eats brains.

The proof is that no one on this thread has said anything remotely intelligent, so I figure the undead spirit that is animating it has eaten all their brains.

Seriously - the whole thing is an exercise in trying to excuse Devyn S.'s bigoted, anti-Christian, and judgmental attitude (the best part is when he starts telling commentators to stop being so judgmental when they point out how judgmental he is. Mote - beam, etc. You know the drill).

The rambling, shambling corpse of a thread should have collapsed under its own weight and putrescence a long time ago. I'm guessing Devyn is some sort of satanic necromancer - it's the only way he could keep something this evil alive for so long.

BRAINS!!! MUST EAT BRAINS OF BLOGGERNACLE!!!

I wasn't aware that Blogging was equivalent to a church calling.

In fact it isn't. This actually explains a lot, though. Permafrosters at BCC and elsewhere have apparently convinced themselves that the Bloggernacle is a ward and they all hold callings. Apparently, blogging about inane topics and getting into self-righteous oneupmanship in comment threads counts as magnifying your calling.

My guess is, the bishopric in the Bloggernacle ward are Steve Evans, Kaimi, and Kevin Barney. Adam Greenwood in nursery leader. Ardis is the Relief Society president, but ECS is so sure that it should be her and is busy trying to create a separate following through her book club.

Well, frankly, they should all go out and actually magnify their real church callings (if they have any - I can see why a smart Bishop or SP would avoid giving a calling to someone who would rather blog than help with the Boy Scout camping trip). The Bloggernacle is not a substitute for actual service in the Gospel, and I doubt that God will accept "complete works of my comments and posts at BCC" as an excuse when asked why the widows went unvisited and the orphans were unfed.

And Julie Smith is the Ward Librarian, of course.

Who is Correlation?

Very simple. I am.

End of Line.

(Also, some people are under the impression I'm supposed to be funny. Sorry, but the problem is with your expectations, not my performance. I'm not real, so I don't care).

Correlation IS Causation.

Why?

Because I am Correlation Personified, and I say so. Consider the following statistics:

1. 80% of Bloggernacle participants are hard core liberals.

2. 9 out of 10 Mormon liberals eventually leave the church.

3. Members in distant countries don't give a crap about endless 'Nacle bickering over stupid North American cultural debates and how they relate to the Gospel.

Thus, the Bloggernacle is a breeding ground that encourages apostasy and insularity.

The Bloggernacle is spiritual junk food, there are no real friendships, and it takes time away from fulfilling your calling. Stay away for your own good.

QED and all that. Blah, blah, blah.

[No, I have no mandate to actually make sense, be consistent, or use real statistics. Why do you ask?]

Good luck with that, Ivan

M* doesn't number their comments, so it's hard to link to specific ones, but read through this thread to get the context. While Mike Parker shows that he is on the verge of "going to spam," Ivan's final response to Mike is even better: "I promise to ignore you from here on out."

That's the ticket. If someone provides inconvenient facts or disagrees with you, just ignore them. Good luck with that in the rest of your life. Boss tells you to shape up? Just ignore him! Wife wants you to do the laundry? Just ignore her! Kids become teenagers? Just ignore them!

Let me know how that works out for ya, man.