Sunday, May 25, 2008

This week's Correlated Post: Brad is smarter than Jesus.

Jesus told some great stories, but he had no clue what they really meant.

See, when Jesus told his disciples (in Matthew 13):
10 And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? 11 He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. 12 For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. 13 Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. 14 And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive: 15 For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. 16 But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.
He was lying. And that allegorical interpretation he gave in verses 18 - 24? Jesus was wrong about that as well. In fact, when he gives some more parables and then treats them as allegories? Man that Jesus fellow had no clue what he was saying. Instead, listen to Brad as he gives us the truth:

The second tendency we have that limits our reading of the parables is the assumption that parable = allegory. I believe there are certain shortcomings to such an approach. For one thing, it presupposes Jesus speaking coded riddles to hearers . . . more significantly, such a reading pushes to the margins the likely experience the people who heard the Savior teach, their understandings of a parable whose fabric was drawn from their own day-to-day lives, and, by implication, the meanings likely intended by the Master for His hearers.
See? The parables aren't allegories, and despite Jesus saying that he speaks in parables in order to hide their meaning from some of his audience (i.e. "coded riddles") - well, Jesus obviously hadn't thought about this as much as Brad had.

Of course, with an explanation that uses the phrase "governing imperatives and modalities of power are antithetical to those manifested" - you have to know that this Brad guy is clearly smarter than Jesus and knows more about the parables. Jesus used such simple, down to earth language, it's obvious he's not as learned as Brad. And we all know that being learned makes you wise, right?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Does Kaimi even post at T&S even more?

He's posting at FMH
(and proving he hasn't read Fast Food Nation, because if you've read that book, you know Jesus would strike you dead on the spot if you tried to give him a Cheeseburger)

He's posting at BCC
(and proving he really is a FLAKer, since it's clear he doesn't really believe the church's teachings on marriage)

But at T&S? Silence.

Is there a background purge going on? Is Adam Greenwood finally making his move, and soon he will dominate the blog? Or perhaps Kaimi's just bored hanging around with the moderates, and feels he needs to move closer to the DAMU.

(As for last week - no post, cause there was nothing worth correlating. I can only work with what y'all give me. Trust me - there will be a correlated post later this week!)

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Correlation of all the Joseph Smith picture posts

Everybody's talking about it.

What is it? It's it.

Okay, enough with the Faith No More puns. It's the Joseph Smith photo. Of course, they all have it wrong. After an exhaustive Google search, I found the true and only photo of Joseph Smith, and it's a shocker!

Apparently Joseph Smith liked to dress in drag.

Hey! I did a Google search, so my findings must be right! This is the Internet era, and new technology trumps everything!