Friday, October 29, 2010

The *Real* 14 commandments of the 'Nacle

These make some attempt at lame snark, but really, it's just navel gazing and an attempt to make everyone in the 'Nacle feel good about themselves. Here's what the list, if it was interested in being honest, would actually say:

First: Steve Evans is your true God.

Second: Whoever gets the last comment, wins.

Third: Whatever was said last week or even last year doesn't matter, if it makes us look like hypocrites. That only matters if we can link to it in a positive way.

Fourth: The prophet leads the church astray.

Fifth: Post writers/permabloggers are not required to have any particular credentials, training, or authority in order to call the church to repentance.

Sixth: The commenter does not have to say “This is just my opinion” because they don't believe in opinions. Everything they write is pure facts. If you disagree, you are an idiot.

Seventh: Whether you need to know it, or want to know it, or wish you’d never heard it, you can find someone on the bloggernacle using it to attack Boyd K. Packer.

Eighth: The feminism of the bloggernacle is not limited by reality.

Ninth: The bloggernacle is mainly a flame war.

Tenth: The blogger may be involved in your local congregation. If so, find a different ward.

Eleventh: The two groups who have the most difficulty following the prophet are the proud who are on the bloggernacle and the proud who are also on the bloggernacle.

Twelfth: The bloggernacle is basically the popular, cool kids clique you hated so much but secretly wanted to be a part of in High School.

Thirteenth: Margaret B. Young is your goddess - no ill speaking allowed - you must only prostrate yourself at her feet and beg forgiveness from the Great White One for your cultural sins.

Fourteenth: Steve Evans will ban your buttocks.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My testifying ignomy!

Julie inspired me to post my testimony!  (Though, really, Julie - that's quite insensitive to refer to someone named "Apame" as an "Ape."  You may think it's a clever play on her name, but it's rather rude).

So, as  Margaret Blair Young'un (motto: "More compassion from thee, but not from me") calls it, here's my "brutally honest testimony":

I believe President Packer is a true and inspired servant of God, and the rest of y'all can suck it.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished

Please, by all means.  No one is stopping y'all.  Really, this is the best idea yet in the 'Nacle.  I wouldn't mind if the whole of BiCuriousCrazies, Tea&eStuaries, and Mental Mormons decided to up and join this other denomination.  You have my blessing.  Have fun!