Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Sane Things I Know For Certain

I know things, things other believe are just opinions. Sometimes they claim to "know" the oppossitte, but they are wrong (or crazy). Here are some of the things I know are super duper true blue through and through beyond the doubt of a shadow:

* 1. I believe that Jesus’ suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane was exactly what the prophets have told us it is, nothing more, nothing less.
* 2. I believe that the temple will stay a sacred place, set apart from the world. People who think otherwise really need to get over their "gee I wish that Mormonism was more like liberal Protestantism" fetish.
* 3. I believe that the future exists, we just haven't gone there yet. Just like I know a physical world exists outside the internet, even if I am incapable of going there.
* 4. I believe that people who claim to believe in contradictory things and then add semi-self deprecating asides really don't believe what they claim to believe, but they think it makes them sound cool.
* 5. I believe what the scriptures and the prophets have said about the degrees of glory, and know that speculation beyond what we have been told is pointless.
* 6. I believe that we don't remember our pre-earth life.
* 7. I believe God doesn’t interact with us more directly because we aren't worthy yet, mostly due to our pride and self-aggrandizement (as typified by our blog posts)
* 8. I believe polygamy makes no sense to us now, but will someday, if we make it to the Celestial kingdom.
* I believe that I've lost track of how long this list is, so I'll just stop using numbers now.
* I believe romantic Love is awesome! I don't care if it's a chemical reaction or not.
* I believe something so obvious, I don't think it bears repeating here.
* I believe the Prophet really is a prophet, and since he communicates with God in a way the rest of us don't, we cheapen him with crude comic book references.
* I believe that all art is quite useless.
* I used to believe in evolution, but after seeing the sorry state of the Bloggernacle, I'm more of a believer in De-evolution. (Go Devo!)
* I believe Padre Pio belonged to a church that is not the only true and living church on the face of the Earth.
* I believe the Holy Ghost exists - beyond that, I refuse to speculate about when he (or she? - have to throw that bone to the apostates) gets a body, etc.
* I believe animals aren't human.
* I believe orange juice is full of carbs and thus is bad for the Atkins Diet.

Of course, maybe I don't believe all that after all. Who knows? It's not like it matters to me - I don't really exist.


Anonymous said...

I believe you need better material.

Matt W. said...

Thanks for noticing. It's actually bizarre to think more than the 6-7 regulars read my stuff. WElcome to being the 8th one.

Mister Correlation said...

Matt -

you're welcome.

Anonymous -

I know, I know.

Anonymous2 said...

You go to Correlation with the Bloggernacle you have. They're not the Bloggernacle you might want or wish to have at a later time.

Mister Correlation said...

I noticed Matt has since edited the post, so some of the above "jokes" may not make sense. Of course, it's not like I expect them to make sense or be funny in the first place.